Maggie Mulvaney is the social columnist for the Terrace Herald Newspaper. Funerals are taking on a life of their own in Canada's Pacific Northwest. Maggie spends most of her time writing obituaries. It isn't until her boss dies and she has to arrange his funeral that she realizes you learn more about people after they're gone than when they were alive. A lot more.
Excerpt from The Funeral Follower by Margo F. Bates. ©2012
Funerals nowadays are taking on a life of their own.
It is not such a bad thing if you’re the one doing it.
Dying, I mean.
One second, you’re here. Then, poof! A turn of events and you become the dearly departed by stepping off into eternity.
The bereaved souls left behind can only lament, what am I supposed to do? How will I go on? That’s followed by what next? Then, when’s the funeral?
Before you think poorly of me, going on about death and funerals like this, you have my assurance. I am completely normal. Married to the same man for more than enough years and then some, I have two grown kids, one laid-back dog, I pay my taxes, vote, like to hike and read romance novels. Not at the same time, of course.
For five years, since we moved back to Terrace, I’ve worked as the executive assistant to Mr. William George Smiley, Barrister & Solicitor, known as ‘Smiley’ to one and all. Smiley and his business partner Jack Phillips own and operate the top law firm in Canada’s Pacific Northwest. My job description states that the successful incumbent must be able to perform a variety of tasks and be adaptable to change, as the firm often deals with life and death situations.
I’d been going along just fine until a new telephone pole changed my job and my life.
… FROM THE TERRACE HERALD NEWSPAPER … Mayor and Council award local man citation for bravery after freak car accident. Terrace resident Bob Bing is recovering at home from shoulder and inner ear injuries he sustained last month when he accidentally drove his 2006 Ford Crown Victoria up the guy wire of a new telephone pole in front of his house. Bing was returning from a family dinner celebrating his 50th birthday. According to research engineers at the University of British Columbia in Vancouver, Mr. Bing’s good driving skills likely saved his life and definitely played a big part for him to accomplish such an unusual feat of engineering.
… Smiley’s long time partner Jack Phillips just died. A semi-trailer truck killed him while he was on his way to visit his brother and family in the sunny south.
He’d just arrived in town. It happened every time. Instead of locating his brother’s house, he ended up at the same gas station on the truck route edge of town, about five miles from where he was aiming for. After phoning his brother for the final directions, Jack walked across the parking lot towards his car. He hardly made it 30 feet. The semi casually and ever so slightly nudged Jack under its tire, and pushed him on his way to eternity.
… Mrs. Ellie Phillips was adamant that Jack’s funeral take place on what would have been his 55th birthday. The whole town, no, the whole Pacific Northwest would want to attend.
Maggie, don’t worry about what it costs. Just get going on your list and keep in touch.
How come you think I can do it? How can I coordinate Jack’s funeral?
You’re the expert.
... If not full-fledged, I am certainly a half-assed expert. Did a count. My attendance record is one hundred and five. Funerals. So far.
How to order The Funeral Follower
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Excerpt from Margo's New Book: The Funeral Follower
Maggie Mulvaney is the social columnist for the Terrace Herald Newspaper. Funerals are taking on a life of their own in Canada's Pacific Northwest. read more...
P.S. Don't Tell Your Mother a story of love, tolerance and lessons learned between a 13-year-old girl and her Irish-Canadian Nana
Margo Bates' debut novel, P.S. Don't Tell Your Mother, brings to life the rough-and-tumble world of Canada's frontier northwest in the late 50s and early 60s. Part fact, part fiction, P.S. Don't Tell Your Mother is based on hundreds of letters Margo excha read more...
Book Clubs
Margo is available to speak to Book Clubs in the Metro Vancouver area, or via Skype. read more...
Workshops for Writing Groups
Margo Bates is available for private workshops for writing groups. Her topics include Character Development, Humour Writing and Personal Publicity for Authors read more...
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